I crave the moments of being in a room, quite and thinking
But still connected together
It is with those we have yet to solidify bonds with
That we fear the quite, awkward moments
Or with ourselves that we do.
I am insecure with you because I am unsure of how you feel and who you feel for.
I am insecure with you because I am unsure of who I am and
I fear that who I was, who I am currently and who I will be
Is not who you need or want.
I look to creating something defined less by a term
And more by a lasting relationship
To where we are connected and grow less by outward appearances
Fancy words or lies about ourselves and more so by
Simple thoughts dug deeper with time
Those emphatic moments where you understand me because you see me for who I am
Those moments where words are took into actions and
Moments develop into deep rooted memories
I am insecure with you because I fear you seeing me.
That who I am will come to bloom
To your eyes
And you will leave.
I am insecure with you because you are just so damn good and
Amazing
And that is just to damn bad for me because that means
All those daydreams
I imagined
About our life and all those dreams
I recalled
Only through the feeling of butterflies that
Tingled
In my stomach once I woke with a
Smile
Possibly be made real and unfortunately that means those
Nightmares
That clouded my mind and
Nervously
Made me stir at night in a sweat could also be my
Reality.
I fear the end before the beginning has even commenced.
And I let the intensity of
Vulnerability and innocence
Be too much for me to stand so I lose my ability to talk to you
And I cut you from all that
You and I
Could be that
We thing we
Could have going on and I became content with
Not the loneliness of being single, because that can be a blessing but the
Loneliness
Of finding the one you need but not allowing yourself to want them enough to let them
Fill that void
That needs to be felt in your heart.
The loneliness of a mind in love.
A mind in denial,
That things could be good, things could be lasting.
That the pain will supersede the joy
The thought that the loneliness now is far better than the loneliness
You have conditioned yourself to believe has to happen after a relationship like this had developed.
But why does it have to come to an end?
Why can’t two people
Me and you
Last?
Why can’t we be close like brother and sister, like friends, like lovers?
Why can’t we fight and argue without worry that the other might leave at the first difference in opinion?
Why can’t we be so close so as to accept and appreciate perhaps positively influence
The other as they grow up and change?
Why can’t we just love?
Not love-making, sex but
Love?
To where you know my
Insecurities
And faults
And mistakes
But you don’t judge my full character based on that.
Why can’t we love to the point and passed it?
Why can’t we love like our parents did, hell we should do it better.
Why can’t we love e first as friends, then as closer friends, then as best friends and beyond
And then maybe lovers because to be honest
I cherish your mind, your being, who you are truly, your heart above anything else-
All that extra stuff is just extra not vital.
I am going to show you that I love who you are and how you make me better
More than the trivial superficial BS others esteem as of highest importance.
I will lead by example while following yours
And maybe that makes no sense but hell does it have to
My King, your Queen.
Not a hindrance to who you want to be
But more of a support a compliment to the person you develop into.
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